Customer (to my boss): Ya know, he was kinda rude. (referring to me)
Me: You were on the phone while I was helping you. You should be happy I didn't refuse you service.
Customer (to my boss): Ya see?
Boss: He's nicer than I am. I would have told you to get off your fucking phone.
Me: I said it with my eyes, he was just too involved with his phone conversation to notice.
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Dear Customer: Fuck Off!
April 3 at 4:37pm
It happened. I told a customer to fuck off. It took about 20 minutes and the boss laughed at the story
~This is a long one~
Me: We're out of minnows for the week; cleaning the minnow tank.
Customer: No, you're not.
Me: Yeah, unfortunately we are, but hopefully we'll have more on Friday. Until then I can suggest . . . .
Customer: No, you're not out of minnows.
Me: Actually, we are. The tank doesn't even have any water in it. Once every Spring and once every fall we clean out the minnow tank so that when we do have minnows, they're much healthier.
Customer: No, you have minnows.
<another 5 or 6 minutes of biting my tongue>
~
Customer: Tell Anna she needs to order this product.
Me: Anna doesn't do the orders. That'd be me, and we haven't carried that product the entire time I've been working here.
Customer: Well I bought them last year.
Me: Not here.
Customer: Yeah I did.
Me: I've been doing the orders for 4 years and have a pretty solid mental inventory of all 8-10 thousand PLU's and what we've carried. That hook is not one of them.
Customer: Well I just bought them last month here.
Me: I thought you said last year?
Customer: Look, I ran this shop for 10 years . . .
Me: I'm sorry, who are you? (The boss confirmed that the customer was fired for incompetency after only a couple of months)
<another 10 or so minutes of unsuccessfully biting my tongue>
~
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, we don't take credit cards on DNR purchases.
Customer: Yes you do.
Me: Seriously? That again? You're telling me that what I know is fact is wrong? NO WE DO NOT. They DNR pays us less to sell a license than the credit card machine charges us to process the sale. It results in us paying for part of your license. So, no we do not.
Customer: Yes you do. It's illegal if you don't.
Me: Nope. We checked, and most of the small businesses with DNR machines actually have the same policy and the DNR knows about it and has okayed it.
Customer: No, it's illegal.
Me: Well then, it's a policy you need to take up with the boss or the DNR or the police as I have no say in it and have disagreed with it all along the way.
Customer: No, I won't because it's illegal and you're going to jail.
Me: Alright, FUCKING fine. If it's fucking illegal go call the fucking cops and send me to fucking jail. Now fuck off and get out of the fucking store.
That's pretty honestly 95% to verbatim.
It happened. I told a customer to fuck off. It took about 20 minutes and the boss laughed at the story
~This is a long one~
Me: We're out of minnows for the week; cleaning the minnow tank.
Customer: No, you're not.
Me: Yeah, unfortunately we are, but hopefully we'll have more on Friday. Until then I can suggest . . . .
Customer: No, you're not out of minnows.
Me: Actually, we are. The tank doesn't even have any water in it. Once every Spring and once every fall we clean out the minnow tank so that when we do have minnows, they're much healthier.
Customer: No, you have minnows.
<another 5 or 6 minutes of biting my tongue>
~
Customer: Tell Anna she needs to order this product.
Me: Anna doesn't do the orders. That'd be me, and we haven't carried that product the entire time I've been working here.
Customer: Well I bought them last year.
Me: Not here.
Customer: Yeah I did.
Me: I've been doing the orders for 4 years and have a pretty solid mental inventory of all 8-10 thousand PLU's and what we've carried. That hook is not one of them.
Customer: Well I just bought them last month here.
Me: I thought you said last year?
Customer: Look, I ran this shop for 10 years . . .
Me: I'm sorry, who are you? (The boss confirmed that the customer was fired for incompetency after only a couple of months)
<another 10 or so minutes of unsuccessfully biting my tongue>
~
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, we don't take credit cards on DNR purchases.
Customer: Yes you do.
Me: Seriously? That again? You're telling me that what I know is fact is wrong? NO WE DO NOT. They DNR pays us less to sell a license than the credit card machine charges us to process the sale. It results in us paying for part of your license. So, no we do not.
Customer: Yes you do. It's illegal if you don't.
Me: Nope. We checked, and most of the small businesses with DNR machines actually have the same policy and the DNR knows about it and has okayed it.
Customer: No, it's illegal.
Me: Well then, it's a policy you need to take up with the boss or the DNR or the police as I have no say in it and have disagreed with it all along the way.
Customer: No, I won't because it's illegal and you're going to jail.
Me: Alright, FUCKING fine. If it's fucking illegal go call the fucking cops and send me to fucking jail. Now fuck off and get out of the fucking store.
That's pretty honestly 95% to verbatim.
Greedy Bastard
March 14 at 10:21am
Customer Comes into the store
Customer: "I've got a reel to give you guys for parts. <Joe notices that it's his favorite reel> A buddy of mine was gonna throw it away <Joe notices that the guy put a clip on backwards and everything else is perfect> so I was gonna get it fixed up, but it's right handed and I'm lefthanded.
<Joe says nothing about the fact that it's a reversible handle.>
Customer Comes into the store
Customer: "I've got a reel to give you guys for parts. <Joe notices that it's his favorite reel> A buddy of mine was gonna throw it away <Joe notices that the guy put a clip on backwards and everything else is perfect> so I was gonna get it fixed up, but it's right handed and I'm lefthanded.
<Joe says nothing about the fact that it's a reversible handle.>
What do you do when a bum gives YOU food?
January 31 at 12:32am
BAIT SHOP STORY OF THE DAY!!!!
Karma Points Deposit: The bum who comes in every few days and very politely asks me for a cup of coffee stopped by this morning around 10. He had socks on his hands for gloves. I went quickly to the wall and gave him two pairs of jersey gloves totaling $.98 cost.
Karma Points Withdrawal: Said bum returns 2 hours later with a bag of cinnamon rolls he may or may not have found in the local bakery's dumpster and gives me one. The two customers in the store watch and choke back their laughter. I repeat the theme: A Bum Just Gave Me Food . . .
BAIT SHOP STORY OF THE DAY!!!!
Karma Points Deposit: The bum who comes in every few days and very politely asks me for a cup of coffee stopped by this morning around 10. He had socks on his hands for gloves. I went quickly to the wall and gave him two pairs of jersey gloves totaling $.98 cost.
Karma Points Withdrawal: Said bum returns 2 hours later with a bag of cinnamon rolls he may or may not have found in the local bakery's dumpster and gives me one. The two customers in the store watch and choke back their laughter. I repeat the theme: A Bum Just Gave Me Food . . .
Sing With Me Now!!!
May 3, 2012 at 1:10pm Three bikers walk into a bait shop. The hippie behind the counter is listening to Kiss the Girl from The Little Mermaid. All four sing along. #mylifeisprettyokay.
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